I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
