So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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