And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
