for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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