Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
