If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
