Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
