i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
