When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize