Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
