Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
