I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
