Midget sex pt 2 tonight
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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