You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
