you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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