sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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