I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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