If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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