Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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