"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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