she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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