i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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