The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
