She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He better not be in your backpack
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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