Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
