I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
