im six kinds of drunk right now
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
