You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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