Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
