Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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