All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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