She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
