I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
