I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
