Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
