If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
