I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
did you just send me my own nude
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
