Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
