Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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