Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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