you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
