but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
