He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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