Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
