I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
