I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
