I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
