By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
