I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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