we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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