well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
